Hindsight

Yesterday and into this morning, seemingly all things in my mind ceased except my circumstances (ie- senior recital extravaganza).

Now that "today" has turned into "tonight," I have been reflecting on that state of mind and how my new state of mind is back to thinking about normal life and classes and homework and the next four weeks (also known as the last four weeks of my college career).

It is truly amazing to me how easily I can forget what it feels like to be stressed out. This past week I was more stressed out than I have been in a long time, so much so that my mind was numbed to anything not having to do with my senior recital. The problem with that is that there were other things happening besides my senior recital preparation, including a paper, a test, various homework assignments, and my Praxis II test (to get my music teaching license). Preparations for the recital, as stated, were enough to keep me preoccupied-- dress rehearsal, reception details, program details, family visiting, boyfriend visiting, practicing and final touches on music, dress and hair and make-up details, etc. Needless to say, my mind has been swimming in the to-do lists covering the various surfaces of my desk.

Now, I feel a huge sense of refreshment and relief. I can't really remember the last time I was truly this relaxed. I feel like I am ready to rock out these last four weeks, and I find great joy in knowing that accomplishment breeds motivation in my life.

Just this morning I was thinking about why I was getting ready to perform and what kind of impact my performance had on eternity. The wonderful thing that I realized is that I am performing not to my own standards or the standards of the music department primarily. I perform for the standards of only my God who loves me and him alone. The great thing is that even though God is perfect and desires that perfection for us, his perfection is one of character and not solely of deed. I realized today that if I am performing for the standards of humans, I have to feel bad about making mistakes because I (as a human) care about performing all the notes right and expressing emotion perfectly as to inspire my audience to be captivated by the music I am playing.

If I am performing for the standards of God, I have only to worry about my attitude in performance. If I am performing solely for the glory of God and am working to humble myself in a way that his character shows through me, that is the most rewarding performance. All pressure to be perfect is off because I know that no matter how well I do, God loves me and is pleased with the approach I am taking toward the performance. I don't have to be nervous about what the audience will think of my performance if the only person I am seeking to please loves me even when I am not seeking to please him at all.

After all, it was God who prompted me to switch to studying music. It was God who, consistent with his prompting in my heart, enabled me and motivated me throughout these past four years to study and improve my musicianship. It was God who gave me a vision of teaching music that focuses on caring about people and teaching people to love beauty because God delights in beauty and creativity. It was God who called me to follow him, and it was he who brought me to Taylor to do so. It was God who provided for me financially in order to get me to Taylor. It was God who provided me an immensely loving community of people who have helped shape who I am while being at Taylor. It is God who continues to provide for my every emotional, spiritual, and physical need.

I have so much to thank God for. So why shouldn't I praise who he is? Psalm 150 says we can praise God through any instrument, through our voices, and through dance. That was my intention for today. I praised God, I showed the audience how loving and gracious God is, through my clarinet playing. It was not for my posterity, but it was to show God that I love and appreciate him and all he has done for me. Can you imagine where I would be if I had just relied on myself or other people around me and not on the Almighty One who reigns over all people and all circumstances? Yeah, it would be a very different place. Probably a really sad and boring place. Instead, I'm at a place of joy and passion, finding peace and rest in the presence of one who is in control when I am completely out of control, frazzled, and stressed. God's goodness and power triumphs over all circumstances.

We serve a God who is so good. We can never be as good as he is.

Senioritis as addressed by the Apostle Paul

Romans 13:11-14

But make sure that you don't get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can't afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don't loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about!

American Food and Reflections

Jan 26(27)

I am here in Washington! Land of pizza, fries, Caesar salad, water fountains, and Spanish instead of Amharic announcements after the English ones! The past few days have been kinda crazy-- I got sick all Monday night after that delicious Ethiopian meal (although thinking about Ethiopian food now makes me nauseated) and Tuesday morning. I slept most of Tuesday in order to have some small bit of energy for the flight. I felt better and better as the flight went on, and I had plenty of time to sleep on the plane, which helped a lot. Traveling has gone really, really smoothly this time around, and I am very thankful for that.

I am a little sad that I was unable to participate in Tuesdays activities (especially because I really wanted to find an Ethiopian doll for my niece), though I rally needed the sleep. I woke up in time to pack up and eat as much dinner as I could before we left for the airport. Although I was extremely weak when I woke up, the more I was awake (and the more Gatorade I drank) the better I felt. I'm pretty sure eating at the Fasika Monday night is what made me sick-- when I smelled the injera and wat that Sam sent home with us in some crates, I felt very nauseated. I guess I will have to stay away from Ethiopian food for a while now. It's different than what I expected-- because I really liked Ethiopian food coming into this trip, I thought by this time on our trip I would be craving Ethiopian food and seriously missing it, but since I got sick (and actually before that) I have not been craving it.

It is very strange to look out and see snow on the ground! The small plots of houses and grass are covered in white-- it's a lot different from Ethiopia. I wonder if there is snow in Indiana...? I am ready to go back home, as I have stated in many past entries, but adjusting back to Taylor life will be difficult (only one more semester of craziness!). I am entering a pretty busy and challenging class load, along with a senior recital, an apartment with new roommates, and I still have a whole lot of reflecting to do on this whole trip. I am really excited to share my experience with friends, family, and acquaintances...anyone who inquires!

I have realized that I take some things in my life for granted. Who would've thought that I would come to that conclusion going to impoverished Africa, right? I live s pretty modest lifestyle, but even as a modest American, I am living materially immodest compared to most Ethiopians, yet most Ethiopians find so much more satisfaction in their lives than most Americans. I think because Americans have more options, we have more opportunity to be unsatisfied. Ethiopians are happy because they have no reason to be unhappy. Their life is all they and their parents and their grandparents have ever known including traditional roles, religion, and other family or village practices. I wonder, though, how different the house kids' perspectives are, especially being exposed to Americans as much as they are. As I have commented before, Project Mercy carries a sub-culture that is different from others living in Yetebon, but I wonder exactly or specifically how different those perspectives are. I'll have to think more on that.

It feels great to be home, but I hope never to forget the lessons I have learned and the people I have met in Ethiopia. God is moving in this world.

City Love

*Preface*
We left Yetebon to travel to the capital where we stayed with the Tregos, American doctors working with the American Embassy in Ethiopia. They cooked us AMAZING comfort food (including Mexican and bagels) and had satellite TV (the same TV that military people have overseas), which allowed our many sports fans (mostly males) to watch the Champoinship NFL games.

Jan 25

Our big day in Addis!

Today was so wonderful-- we woke up to a luxurious breakfast, headed out to go shopping with our wonderful driver Tamrat, went out to eat at the Fasika ( a restaurant that serves traditional food), at which we ate, danced, and laughed the night away. I was really glad to have the shopping experience we did, even though I was really scared of the haggling that was required of us. It worked out really well, though, because Trevor, a finance major and business-minded man, was in my shopping group. He is really good at haggling.

Our driver knew all the right places to go, and he got us to each place safely. I bought gifts for all kinds of people, and our last stop was an amazing coffee shop that sells its coffee to Starbucks. We spent such a long time at the coffee shop because everyone ordered at least three bags of coffee and the most was nine bags. Take the average and multiply that by 17 and you have a LOT of coffee. I'm pretty sure they ran out of their stock of beans because they had to call someone in to bring in kilos and kilos more. We got back to the Tregos' house with only a few minutes to spare before dinner. We left to go to the Fasika with all our American friends, although Dr. Trego and Andrea were not feeling well and decided to stay back.

The people working at the Fasika were very helpful (I think they were used to tourists) and were kind in helping us know what to do. First we ordered drinks, then Sam (Marta's son and good friend of our team) came, then we went out to get our food from a personal buffet they set up outside for us. They explained to us what each thing was and were even a little impressed when we knew what some things were called (mit mita for example, which is a spicy powder added to things to make then spicier...as if the food needed that!). We went back inside to eat, and then the band began to play traditional songs. After they played some songs (Sam explained to us that they were mostly secular songs, although they had set some secular words to a sacred tune in one song), the dancers came out and dances three dances from different regions of Ethiopia.




We had been hoping that, coming from Yetebon, which lies in the Guragi region, that we would get to see the Guragi dance. We did, and the second time they performed it, they got Nathaniel and Eric (two of our American friends) to go dance with them. They also came out into our group on another song and told us to "COME" as they shimmied and swayed. We tried our best to shimmy and sway our rhythmically challenged American bodies, and although I am sure we looked foolish, it was a blast. I had a great time dancing and being able to talk with those around me. The day was a very tiring day, although I am more awake than most tonight as I went to bed early last night.

It was like one big sleepover at the Tregos' house!


I cannot believe that we will be on our way back in less than 24 hours. As I have been saying-- I am ready, but I know it will be a crazy adjustment. I am just starting to feel comfortable with the culture and just starting to get the feel for Addis. I feel almost like we, as Andrea, Aaron, and Nathanial are doing, are only taking a weekend away from Project Mercy and that we will return to our "normal" lives with the house kids in a few days. It won't hit me that I am coming home until I am there, similarly to how I didn't feel like I was going to Ethiopia until I stepped out of the airport here in Addis on January 4th.




Being on this trip has further convinced me that I am ready to step out of the incubator that is Taylor University and into the cold, cold world to serve God in a big new way (wow, so cliche, right?). There is so much outside of Taylor, though, even though Taylor life consumes you when you are there. I am hoping I can be less consumed when I live off-campus next semester. The next big question, though, is what is life after graduation going to look like for me? What is my next step? What will the next 6 months even look like for me? I am learning every single day again and again about patience for the will of the Lord to be done in my life in whatever way God chooses to do that. It is extremely exciting!

Leaving

Jan 25

Walking to church was like torture, like we were walking to a funeral of someone very close to us. The funeral of our experience. I really wish we could have just packed up and left in the morning and not have drawn out the process any longer than that. We went to church, though, and it is always such a blessing to be involved in the Amharic worship services. The people that worship there belong to a spiritually fervent community who truly seeks to praise God and continually seek him. I have loved the moments where I can enter into prayer in my own language and in my own heart while at the same time, those around me are praying and singing in a language foreign to me, yet God hears us all. I have also loved the moments when I am able to pick out the melodies of their songs and hum along (or even sing along if I can recognize some of the words). The church services are very special.

Today, the kids were all writing us goodbye notes during church (or we were writing what they were telling us to write), and after we performed the congregation prayed for . Some of our team members lost their composure completely and wept before the body of people in front of us. When the kids saw us getting emotional, they started to realize what was happening and also began to weep. We left before the service ended. We tried to slip out, but as the last of us were leaving, some of the kids began to follow us with tears streaming down their faces. Up until that point, I had managed to hold back tears in this very emotional situation, but when I saw that even the smallest children knew what was happening and were crying, and then that some of the older kids who had managed to maintain their composure so far were also weeping and following us, that is when I lost it, too.

When I was walking out of the sanctuary , Jiji handed me a note she had written to me, and I was so touched. I didn't want to read until I got back, as not to draw out our goodbye, but when we were walking I back on the road, I turned and saw that she, too, was following us and began to weep. I tried to just keep walking to discourage her from following. Tesfu, one of our littlest guys, started running to catch up with one of our girls who had built a strong bond with him. I had to stop and catch up with Jiji. I welled up with tears and called her name. The only thing I could say to her was, "You weren't supposed to follow!" I saw she was crying, too, and held her hand (Ethiopian sign of friendship) as we walked and wept together silently the whole way back to the compound.

Heidi and Tesfu


When we reached the dining hall and were saying our last goodbyes, I made sure to tell Jiji that she is so beautiful and smart and to never forget it. She hugged me tight and wept more heavily. At that moment, the memory of our first meeting flooded into my brain-- she had told me I looked like her mother. It is such an honor for someone to bestow that kind of comparison upon you, especially such a beautiful, talented girl on the other side of the world with whom you never knew you would connect so deeply. I am pretty sure I learned that her mother had died, and I wanted to just take her home with me. I will never, ever forget her.

Jiji


I had to leave her and the other children that had followed us back who were also crying and lovingly clinging to our team members because I knew it had to end at some point. I went into the commons rooms and as I wept harder than I had the whole trip, I watched out the window as a few girls lingered back, wiping tears and snotty noses and giving big hugs. It was heartbreaking.

Heime


Sara


Bechernet



After lunch the rest of the church returned, mostly made up of the older kids and young adults. I knew I had to say goodbye to Dembelle, Birhanne, Ahsenofi, Lemlem, and Alemnesh. For the first time, I saw Dembelle and Birhanne cry-- that was extremely hard for me. I was very blessed when, after saying goodbye with a hug and an encouragement to practice guitar, Ahsenofi presented me with a bracelet that he had made for me. The boy is definitely one of the coolest kids I have ever met, like if I was 16 again, I definitely would have had a major crush on him. I know he will do so well in the world and hopefully will be given the opportunity to come to the US for college someday. His English is one of the best I head all trip. I pray those things for him.

Teammates and Ashenofi


I am just extremely grateful for the time that we spent loving those kids and them loving us back. Seeing the love of God move through people and relationships like that is really amazingly moving. Most of the kids hardly spoke English, yet strong, presonal bonds were formed through actions of love and care. That is how the ministry at Project Mercy works, though-- there is no outright, direct evangelistic proclamation of the Gospel message, preaching (except very much so at church), or Bible-thumping at Project Mercy. Christ's love is evident through people and their actions and words. That gives God all the glory and the power in moving in that way. With Project Mercy being situated in a Muslim community, showing the love of God creates the relationships and the opportunities for the proclamation of the Gospel. American evangelism could learn a HUGE lesson from these people. It's so beautiful!

Lynne and friends


Snafikish


Salem