Jan 6
I am definitely a big picture person, which is one of the things that brought me here. Now that I am here, however, I should focus on the smaller things because that's where I have been called and that's where I am needed. I am really excited to take each day as is comes now that I am here and beginning to feel more settled. Today, things are feeling much more hopeful. Dembelle and Birhanne took Julie and I around the compound a little bit, which really helped me feel more comfortable being here. They showed us the house kids' dormitory, the gardens, the sports fields, the basket-weaving building, the stables (they were milking a cow-- an unusual sight in Ethiopia because their cows are so malnourished), the bead-making studio. We were privileged to talk with these girls to get to know them and Project Mercy better. We watched Dembelle make a beautiful heart bead, and both she and Birhanne talked to us about their favorite subjects and other school-related things. Birhanne is a teacher and is finishing up her 12th grade studies in Chemistry. I had a harder time understading Dembelle's English, but I believe she has already taken the National exam, not passed, and continues to work at Project Mercy, making beads, working in the kitchen, and teaching other women to makes beads.
Dembelle was very captivating to me. She liked the garden a lot and even picked some of the fruits to show us (not really allowed). Birhanne did most of the talking and even relayed some of what Dembelle was saying to us, but I spent more time with Dembelle and talking with her. They are both very delightful girls, and I am very excited to get to know others as well. I am extremely grateful overall to be here, and I will continue to trust in the Lord's strength and find hope in His purpose for our time here.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Switching Gears
Hello everyone! I am back from my African adventure, and have lived to tell about it, avoiding the Ethiopian Airlines plane that went down the day before our flight.
I thought that since we had very limited communication with anyone back home that it would be cool for you all to read some blogs about my time there. I would love to share stories with you all, and I think writing them out is the best way for me to communicate them to so many people in so many places. A big thanks and shout out to all who wrote me very encouraging notes and emails before I left. It really helped me prepare my heart for a month of service in another country. SO THANK YOU ALL for your support!!!
I wrote in a journal pretty much daily while we there except on the days that I was sick. (More about that later.) Here's my first entry dated January 5, 2010:
The past 2 hours have been extremely overwhelming, especially since the plane landed, we drove through Addis, and then drove about 3-4 hours to get to Project Mercy. Addis was a very intimidating place for me. The store fronts look very different from the vague expectations I held in my mind before we got there. The people dress differently in a large spectrum, some looking more normal to me than others. The language has a beautiful flowing sound to it, but I am overwhelmed by not being ale to understand anyone.
I am generally on who comprehends things through observation, but observing the culture so far has led me to little understanding. I have never interacted with a non-Western culture before and have only spent 10 days in a country that doesn't speak English fluently, so engaging with the culture of Ethiopia is going to have to come in a different way than engaging with other cultures, and I know this is a huge adjustment for me. Hopefully the adjustment can happen quickly as I spend more time exploring the compound and getting to know the children.
When we arrived in the country, I arrived having formed many ideals while preparing for this trip. When I saw Addis ad observed all the towns we passed while driving down to Project Mercy, I felt very hopeless. I had come in thinking that I would be able to connect immediately with the culture and that my lifestyle as one who (compared to other Americans) relies little upon material goods and luxuries would be somewhat similar to the lifestyle of the Ethiopians. When I saw the city and the countryside, my mindset changed because I better understood that I am in a completely different culture, and the only way I can come to feel connected to it is by intentionally engaging with it, as I stated earlier.
Another ideal with which I came in was that I would connect so quickly and easily with the culture and the people that I would want to stay here and serve long-term with Project Mercy. I really respect everything I have learned about the ministry of Project Mercy, and I feel like I could work to promote that ministry, but once we drove through Addi and the small towns and villages, I felt as though I might not be able to help out at all, and that staying here long-term is not even in the picture.
I feel that my presence in Ethiopia (and the presence of Americans/white people in general) is viewed in a fairly negative way, like some are suspicious, and that made me feel very uncomfortable as we drove through the city. We stopped to pick up water in Addis, and there were some older teenagers (maybe in their twenties) who were watching our bus full of ferengis (foreigners) and talking about us. I made eye contact with them and observed them. They saw my large bottle of water and said something. I saw the word "wuha" (the Amharic word for water), and I showed them my bottle in response and mouthed "wuha." They saw me, and with seemingly smug looks on their faces proceeded to mock me/us. I was very confused because I had no idea what they were saying, but whatever it was, they seemed unhappy that we were there.
Throughout our drive to Project Mercy from the airport, people would give a mixture of looks when they saw our bus. Some were happy and waved (mostly children), others gave no response, and others had angry faces and seemed to mutter angry words. One thing that comforts me in all this, though, is that we are working with an Ethiopian missionary organization founded and run by Ethiopians. The last thing I want to promote is the "white Americans coming to save the day" mentality.
I want my heart to be in a place of humility in knowing that I am but a small part of a big thing and that I am here to serve Ethiopia and not to bring along my big ideas (and ideals) to a country that I know hardly anything about and have little connection or experience with. I want to come and help move Ethiopia in a stable direction with what little gifts I can offer. I want to promote what is best for Ethiopia. I want to understand what is best for Ethiopia, what direction the people desire to move, what economic and political things are best for Ethiopia so that I can help promote those things.
Right now, as I serve at Project Mercy teaching English, I believe that (in the context of the world right now) helping children/people in Ethiopia to learn English is one of the primary ways to strengthen a country and help promote its future. I am glad and thankful that I can be a part of an organization that wants to better the country and strengthen the people here. I feel that God has a hand in the work Marta and Deme are doing to aid their country and to promote its role in the world.
I thought that since we had very limited communication with anyone back home that it would be cool for you all to read some blogs about my time there. I would love to share stories with you all, and I think writing them out is the best way for me to communicate them to so many people in so many places. A big thanks and shout out to all who wrote me very encouraging notes and emails before I left. It really helped me prepare my heart for a month of service in another country. SO THANK YOU ALL for your support!!!
I wrote in a journal pretty much daily while we there except on the days that I was sick. (More about that later.) Here's my first entry dated January 5, 2010:
The past 2 hours have been extremely overwhelming, especially since the plane landed, we drove through Addis, and then drove about 3-4 hours to get to Project Mercy. Addis was a very intimidating place for me. The store fronts look very different from the vague expectations I held in my mind before we got there. The people dress differently in a large spectrum, some looking more normal to me than others. The language has a beautiful flowing sound to it, but I am overwhelmed by not being ale to understand anyone.
I am generally on who comprehends things through observation, but observing the culture so far has led me to little understanding. I have never interacted with a non-Western culture before and have only spent 10 days in a country that doesn't speak English fluently, so engaging with the culture of Ethiopia is going to have to come in a different way than engaging with other cultures, and I know this is a huge adjustment for me. Hopefully the adjustment can happen quickly as I spend more time exploring the compound and getting to know the children.
When we arrived in the country, I arrived having formed many ideals while preparing for this trip. When I saw Addis ad observed all the towns we passed while driving down to Project Mercy, I felt very hopeless. I had come in thinking that I would be able to connect immediately with the culture and that my lifestyle as one who (compared to other Americans) relies little upon material goods and luxuries would be somewhat similar to the lifestyle of the Ethiopians. When I saw the city and the countryside, my mindset changed because I better understood that I am in a completely different culture, and the only way I can come to feel connected to it is by intentionally engaging with it, as I stated earlier.
Another ideal with which I came in was that I would connect so quickly and easily with the culture and the people that I would want to stay here and serve long-term with Project Mercy. I really respect everything I have learned about the ministry of Project Mercy, and I feel like I could work to promote that ministry, but once we drove through Addi and the small towns and villages, I felt as though I might not be able to help out at all, and that staying here long-term is not even in the picture.
I feel that my presence in Ethiopia (and the presence of Americans/white people in general) is viewed in a fairly negative way, like some are suspicious, and that made me feel very uncomfortable as we drove through the city. We stopped to pick up water in Addis, and there were some older teenagers (maybe in their twenties) who were watching our bus full of ferengis (foreigners) and talking about us. I made eye contact with them and observed them. They saw my large bottle of water and said something. I saw the word "wuha" (the Amharic word for water), and I showed them my bottle in response and mouthed "wuha." They saw me, and with seemingly smug looks on their faces proceeded to mock me/us. I was very confused because I had no idea what they were saying, but whatever it was, they seemed unhappy that we were there.
Throughout our drive to Project Mercy from the airport, people would give a mixture of looks when they saw our bus. Some were happy and waved (mostly children), others gave no response, and others had angry faces and seemed to mutter angry words. One thing that comforts me in all this, though, is that we are working with an Ethiopian missionary organization founded and run by Ethiopians. The last thing I want to promote is the "white Americans coming to save the day" mentality.
I want my heart to be in a place of humility in knowing that I am but a small part of a big thing and that I am here to serve Ethiopia and not to bring along my big ideas (and ideals) to a country that I know hardly anything about and have little connection or experience with. I want to come and help move Ethiopia in a stable direction with what little gifts I can offer. I want to promote what is best for Ethiopia. I want to understand what is best for Ethiopia, what direction the people desire to move, what economic and political things are best for Ethiopia so that I can help promote those things.
Right now, as I serve at Project Mercy teaching English, I believe that (in the context of the world right now) helping children/people in Ethiopia to learn English is one of the primary ways to strengthen a country and help promote its future. I am glad and thankful that I can be a part of an organization that wants to better the country and strengthen the people here. I feel that God has a hand in the work Marta and Deme are doing to aid their country and to promote its role in the world.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Prayer Journal Revisited
Written on July 6, 2008, but very encouraging to me where I am right now. I never knew it was possible to encourage oneself.
"I'm coming to understand my 'spiritual slump' to be more of a mysterious recognition of my human limitation. I am not self-sustainable. I am weak, but He is strong. I find my hope in His love and faithfulness, and I find comfort when I have faith in that love of His. I desire strength, not for selfish gain, but so I can convey to others the love they deserve to receive, the love of Christ, which I have received.
Lord, I desire to feel secure in my faith, but at the same time, I know that by feeling uncomfortable, I am more apt to rely on you and your strength that never fails.
Asking questions is not a terrible thing to do, but sometimes I should simply trust that you are good and faithful, despite my doubts, fears and insecurities."
God's power is true power, power that no human can ever attain. Relying on anyone but God would be foolish.
"I'm coming to understand my 'spiritual slump' to be more of a mysterious recognition of my human limitation. I am not self-sustainable. I am weak, but He is strong. I find my hope in His love and faithfulness, and I find comfort when I have faith in that love of His. I desire strength, not for selfish gain, but so I can convey to others the love they deserve to receive, the love of Christ, which I have received.
Lord, I desire to feel secure in my faith, but at the same time, I know that by feeling uncomfortable, I am more apt to rely on you and your strength that never fails.
Asking questions is not a terrible thing to do, but sometimes I should simply trust that you are good and faithful, despite my doubts, fears and insecurities."
God's power is true power, power that no human can ever attain. Relying on anyone but God would be foolish.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
LadyBug
Lady bugs are flitting against my concrete ceiling right now, and I can't help but wonder why they are in my room. Are they seeking shelter for the coldness of the winter ahead? Are they sneaking and squeezing through the cracks between my screen and window sill because they see the warm yellow glow from my light fixture and can't help but believe where there is light there is heat? These lady bugs are of a most unusual shade of red, a rusty, burnt orangey-red, actually. They blend well into the fall landscape of changing leaves and browning grass I see so readily outside my window. Slowly they are crawling, exploring the crevices and chips in the white surfaces surrounding them.
Are they seeking a small hole in which to crawl and cuddle and cozy up for the cold weather? Are they looking for each other? Are they seeking to settle at all? Will they ever be satisfied, and will they rest even though they travel along the cold concrete vastness of my white ceiling and walls?
As I watch one beetle run into a friend and pause, I see him coerce his friend into moving out of the way, as not to interfere with whatever mission this beetle is on. The beetle continues walking fairly steadily and rapidly, while his friend stays still in one spot on the wall.
One bug has been beside me all day, not moving from the ceramic candy dish my sister made for me a few Christmases ago. Stubborn or scared, I wonder? I push him a little and he starts moving, searching for another safe place to lie. The edges and lumps he explore are limited, and he never leaves the safety of the cold white-colored underbelly of the ceramic lid turned upside down. Lady bugs can walk sideways and upside down, giving them the ability to explore in dimensions that humans cannot, but still what they explore are the things I can see, the things that are exposed and white-washed, sterile, safe and known.
Are they seeking a small hole in which to crawl and cuddle and cozy up for the cold weather? Are they looking for each other? Are they seeking to settle at all? Will they ever be satisfied, and will they rest even though they travel along the cold concrete vastness of my white ceiling and walls?
As I watch one beetle run into a friend and pause, I see him coerce his friend into moving out of the way, as not to interfere with whatever mission this beetle is on. The beetle continues walking fairly steadily and rapidly, while his friend stays still in one spot on the wall.
One bug has been beside me all day, not moving from the ceramic candy dish my sister made for me a few Christmases ago. Stubborn or scared, I wonder? I push him a little and he starts moving, searching for another safe place to lie. The edges and lumps he explore are limited, and he never leaves the safety of the cold white-colored underbelly of the ceramic lid turned upside down. Lady bugs can walk sideways and upside down, giving them the ability to explore in dimensions that humans cannot, but still what they explore are the things I can see, the things that are exposed and white-washed, sterile, safe and known.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Spirituality as Embracing Divinity
Today in my Historic Christian belief class we partook in a discussion about angels and demons, a topic that for a long time took no place in my belief system in light of my systematic rationalism and naturalism before I was a Christian. I always thought it was hokey to believe in angels and demons... well, actually I thought the idea of demons was thrilling. I have always been interested in ghosts, aliens, and spirits... TV shows and scary movies involving all of the above. Also, I love Tim Burton, Edgar Alan Poe, Frederic Chopin, Charles Baudelaire and other artists who on rainy days tend to look at the world through deeply tinted Ray-Bans (or at least with a hint of darkness).
While I explained my world away with science, there were always these things in the back of my mind, some spiritual presence that existed in the world. I would look to science to explore spirituality as well, which as a Christian now makes no sense in my mind. I have, instead, come to a much deeper understanding of the divinity of God, angelic beings, and demonic beings on this earth (including Satan himself), although these things are much different than aliens and ghosts.
I could tell you countless stories of friends and others who have had numerous experiences with the spiritual realm, but I want to share with you two experiences of my own that help me to understand the spiritual realm more deeply because I once was extremely and intensely dubious of God's power. I think a lot of Christians, even, though we may claim to believe in the spiritual realm, we truly struggle with acknowledging the divinity of God and the presence of evil forces in our lives.
This was a while ago so the details in my mind are quite foggy, but I remember going to Border's with a group of my high school friends. We were all working on homework, and a bald-headed, rosy-cheeked, sparkling older man approached us. I would guess he was in his sixties. He seemed a little crazy to us, as most elderly people often do having lost some ability to finish trains of thought and the like, but he spoke so joyfully that we couldn't help but listen. He started telling us his life story, about surviving cancer and about how God has blessed Him immensely. He couldn't contain the gospel; it poured freely from his mouth as if it were pure gold from heaven that was worth more than any gold or precious material found on earth. I wish I could remember his words so that they, too, could minister to your Spirit, but I will continue in saying that we listened intently, told him we were Christians and about God's presence in our lives, and then he bid us farewell, reminding us never to forget about the gospel and to pass it on until death requires our tongues to decay into the soil surrounding us.
Hebrews, which is a book that I value highly because the author describes in detail what faith is to look like, has a verse that one of my friends brought up after the man departed from us. Hebrews 1:2 says, "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." My friend pointed out that he very well could have been an angel. We all agreed that it could be a possibility because of the kind of presence that man demanded of us.
On the other hand, I want to explain to you a very scary experience in my life that occurred just last Spring and changed my perspective of spiritual warfare and the dark forces in this world forever. It was a very powerful and dark experience, not dark like Burton or Poe, but intense and scary. I wouldn't say that I felt threatened, but I felt more imposed upon if anything else. I carry the light of the Holy Spirit, God's own presence, within me which reminds me that I can resist demons and their power.
One Sunday night last Spring semester, my boyfriend and I had just returned from my home for Mother's Day and we had gotten into some argument that was bigger than it needed to be, which happens sometimes. In this long discussion, I fell into a line of thinking that I was worth nothing, not good enough to be dating my boyfriend. I fell into a numbness, a deeply dark depression, and for the first time in YEARS I started having serious thoughts of suicide. (SIDE NOTE: I hesitate to share that detail in the vast chasm of cyberspace, but I know that understanding the details is very important in relaying how these evil forces work in the moments when we are vulnerable to them.)
I was supposed to be meeting one of my very good friends in the Student Union that night (we were sitting right outside the Union when we started talking), but after making me promise not to do anything to myself while he was gone, my boyfriend went in to tell her about what was happening to me (I gave him permission to tell her) and that we were going to get off campus for a while. I don't remember why we were leaving campus other than I just wanted to get away. They prayed for me, and he came back out. He told me to move to the passenger side and we started driving.
This is when I started to understand what was happening. While we were driving I felt very dizzy and weak. I kept seeing intensely terrifying dark figures on each side of the road. I didn't really understand why I was afraid of them other than the fact that they just made me feel that way. They were deceptive, too, because Joe couldn't see them, but also when we would approach them and I could see them right up next to the car, they would totally shift shapes and turn into random things like trees, posts, bushes, stumps, and other things that did not resemble the shape of them that I saw before they were so close. I could not communicate during this trip but only trembled and shook and tried to cover my eyes as I wrestled with terror.
We arrived at a covered bridge in a small town near Taylor and parked the car. He asked if I wanted to get out, and I told him no, that there were some really scary things happening out there. I explained what I saw, although I was wondering myself if that had been a hallucination and if my boyfriend would believe that I truly saw what I saw. I could not explain to him the depth of the terror those things made me feel and the terror I was still feeling. I was still seeing things outside of the car, but I suddenly grew very faint and closed my eyes. I was exhausted physically, emotionally, spiritually.
My boyfriend comforted me with Scripture, praying against Satan and his demons, directly quoting the word of God. In my exhaustion I wanted to lay down. He told me to lie in the backseat and sleep. I felt like I was able to step outside of the car without feeling threatened by any of the dark things so that I could climb into the backseat, and my boyfriend sat in the front with his hand on my back continuing to pray and quote scripture as I eventually fell asleep.
When I awoke, we headed back to school. I was like a rag that had been worn, torn, and rung out one too many times. Before we parted, my boyfriend prayed one last deeply loving and protective prayer over me and my experience with suicidal thoughts and the darkness that had surrounded me. He was worried that I might hurt myself in the night, but I explained to him not to worry and that God was releasing that desire from me. He left and I slept in the peace of God's comfort that night.
Even though this was the top terrifying experience of my life (more terrifying than the time I thought I was going to drown and more terrifying than any thrill from a scary movie) and I wouldn't wish suicidal thoughts or the darkness of Satan and demons upon anyone, I do desire to pray that God exposes us more frequently to these powerful experiences. This is not because of my obsession with the macabre and the disturbing, but because Christians can so easily doubt the power of Satan, the Holy Spirit. I want to be a witness to the fact that the spiritual realm is active and engaging in constant battle (although the war's been won, victory through the death of Christ--Hallelujah!). It is immensely important that we acknowledge these forces in the world because we must guard ourselves against the influence of Satan, demons, and other dark forces that hold us in bondage and make us forget the freedom we have from sin thanks to Christ's sacrifice.
I just want to reemphasize, again, that a large portion of my life was devoted to explaining things like angels and demons away with science and naturalism and that I subscribed to miracles and the like as chance. We are so blessed in the security offered by the fact that God has a purpose for each and every one of our lives, no matter how unimportant we think we are. He loves us all the same and desires the best for all of us, not just for Barack Obama or Bill Gates, but for the homeless and the restless, too. And that is not simply a feel-good message that the church attempts to share with people, but the gospel truth as experienced by many many people on earth throughout history and still today.
While I explained my world away with science, there were always these things in the back of my mind, some spiritual presence that existed in the world. I would look to science to explore spirituality as well, which as a Christian now makes no sense in my mind. I have, instead, come to a much deeper understanding of the divinity of God, angelic beings, and demonic beings on this earth (including Satan himself), although these things are much different than aliens and ghosts.
I could tell you countless stories of friends and others who have had numerous experiences with the spiritual realm, but I want to share with you two experiences of my own that help me to understand the spiritual realm more deeply because I once was extremely and intensely dubious of God's power. I think a lot of Christians, even, though we may claim to believe in the spiritual realm, we truly struggle with acknowledging the divinity of God and the presence of evil forces in our lives.
This was a while ago so the details in my mind are quite foggy, but I remember going to Border's with a group of my high school friends. We were all working on homework, and a bald-headed, rosy-cheeked, sparkling older man approached us. I would guess he was in his sixties. He seemed a little crazy to us, as most elderly people often do having lost some ability to finish trains of thought and the like, but he spoke so joyfully that we couldn't help but listen. He started telling us his life story, about surviving cancer and about how God has blessed Him immensely. He couldn't contain the gospel; it poured freely from his mouth as if it were pure gold from heaven that was worth more than any gold or precious material found on earth. I wish I could remember his words so that they, too, could minister to your Spirit, but I will continue in saying that we listened intently, told him we were Christians and about God's presence in our lives, and then he bid us farewell, reminding us never to forget about the gospel and to pass it on until death requires our tongues to decay into the soil surrounding us.
Hebrews, which is a book that I value highly because the author describes in detail what faith is to look like, has a verse that one of my friends brought up after the man departed from us. Hebrews 1:2 says, "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." My friend pointed out that he very well could have been an angel. We all agreed that it could be a possibility because of the kind of presence that man demanded of us.
On the other hand, I want to explain to you a very scary experience in my life that occurred just last Spring and changed my perspective of spiritual warfare and the dark forces in this world forever. It was a very powerful and dark experience, not dark like Burton or Poe, but intense and scary. I wouldn't say that I felt threatened, but I felt more imposed upon if anything else. I carry the light of the Holy Spirit, God's own presence, within me which reminds me that I can resist demons and their power.
One Sunday night last Spring semester, my boyfriend and I had just returned from my home for Mother's Day and we had gotten into some argument that was bigger than it needed to be, which happens sometimes. In this long discussion, I fell into a line of thinking that I was worth nothing, not good enough to be dating my boyfriend. I fell into a numbness, a deeply dark depression, and for the first time in YEARS I started having serious thoughts of suicide. (SIDE NOTE: I hesitate to share that detail in the vast chasm of cyberspace, but I know that understanding the details is very important in relaying how these evil forces work in the moments when we are vulnerable to them.)
I was supposed to be meeting one of my very good friends in the Student Union that night (we were sitting right outside the Union when we started talking), but after making me promise not to do anything to myself while he was gone, my boyfriend went in to tell her about what was happening to me (I gave him permission to tell her) and that we were going to get off campus for a while. I don't remember why we were leaving campus other than I just wanted to get away. They prayed for me, and he came back out. He told me to move to the passenger side and we started driving.
This is when I started to understand what was happening. While we were driving I felt very dizzy and weak. I kept seeing intensely terrifying dark figures on each side of the road. I didn't really understand why I was afraid of them other than the fact that they just made me feel that way. They were deceptive, too, because Joe couldn't see them, but also when we would approach them and I could see them right up next to the car, they would totally shift shapes and turn into random things like trees, posts, bushes, stumps, and other things that did not resemble the shape of them that I saw before they were so close. I could not communicate during this trip but only trembled and shook and tried to cover my eyes as I wrestled with terror.
We arrived at a covered bridge in a small town near Taylor and parked the car. He asked if I wanted to get out, and I told him no, that there were some really scary things happening out there. I explained what I saw, although I was wondering myself if that had been a hallucination and if my boyfriend would believe that I truly saw what I saw. I could not explain to him the depth of the terror those things made me feel and the terror I was still feeling. I was still seeing things outside of the car, but I suddenly grew very faint and closed my eyes. I was exhausted physically, emotionally, spiritually.
My boyfriend comforted me with Scripture, praying against Satan and his demons, directly quoting the word of God. In my exhaustion I wanted to lay down. He told me to lie in the backseat and sleep. I felt like I was able to step outside of the car without feeling threatened by any of the dark things so that I could climb into the backseat, and my boyfriend sat in the front with his hand on my back continuing to pray and quote scripture as I eventually fell asleep.
When I awoke, we headed back to school. I was like a rag that had been worn, torn, and rung out one too many times. Before we parted, my boyfriend prayed one last deeply loving and protective prayer over me and my experience with suicidal thoughts and the darkness that had surrounded me. He was worried that I might hurt myself in the night, but I explained to him not to worry and that God was releasing that desire from me. He left and I slept in the peace of God's comfort that night.
Even though this was the top terrifying experience of my life (more terrifying than the time I thought I was going to drown and more terrifying than any thrill from a scary movie) and I wouldn't wish suicidal thoughts or the darkness of Satan and demons upon anyone, I do desire to pray that God exposes us more frequently to these powerful experiences. This is not because of my obsession with the macabre and the disturbing, but because Christians can so easily doubt the power of Satan, the Holy Spirit. I want to be a witness to the fact that the spiritual realm is active and engaging in constant battle (although the war's been won, victory through the death of Christ--Hallelujah!). It is immensely important that we acknowledge these forces in the world because we must guard ourselves against the influence of Satan, demons, and other dark forces that hold us in bondage and make us forget the freedom we have from sin thanks to Christ's sacrifice.
I just want to reemphasize, again, that a large portion of my life was devoted to explaining things like angels and demons away with science and naturalism and that I subscribed to miracles and the like as chance. We are so blessed in the security offered by the fact that God has a purpose for each and every one of our lives, no matter how unimportant we think we are. He loves us all the same and desires the best for all of us, not just for Barack Obama or Bill Gates, but for the homeless and the restless, too. And that is not simply a feel-good message that the church attempts to share with people, but the gospel truth as experienced by many many people on earth throughout history and still today.
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